Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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