yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
