its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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