I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize