Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
