haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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