I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
