After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
