i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize