I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
