She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
