Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
