If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize