There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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