Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
