What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They have beer where we have blood.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
