Sry I called you an 8
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
