i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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