man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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