I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
