god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
