You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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