hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
