I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize