shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
