epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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