I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
