Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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