the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
