I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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