Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize