We're like a lot better than the average bears
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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