He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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