bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
