she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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