the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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