just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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