I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
it's like heaven, but drunker
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
