the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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