im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
