You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
