im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
