i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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