Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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