Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
