and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
