Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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