What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
