dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
