My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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