when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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