____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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