I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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