i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
