Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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