i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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