It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
