Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize