You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
