Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
