I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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