pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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